I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize