Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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