you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
