am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
