Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
