Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize