im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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