EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
