I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
