I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
