Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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