Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you win again, gameday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
