Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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