Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
