singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
