hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
where am i from again
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize