at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
