we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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