just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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