I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize