3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
