you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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