I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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