Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
