Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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