i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize