If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize