He uses pillows to masturbate.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize