dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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