I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
