I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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