Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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