Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
