I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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