I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
