so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
