did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
