Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
