I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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