You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
