You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
