Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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