FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
