On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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