After last night, I could never be a politician.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
this is an emotional support booty call
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
