whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
high people should be assigned attendants
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
