I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
