you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
