i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
