But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
