I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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