I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize