Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
