Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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