you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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