the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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