he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
