i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
