you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
