i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
