K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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