my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
