it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
