i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
