Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
