he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
