Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
