6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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