it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
