hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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