i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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