Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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