Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
